My face is a mask I order to say nothing
About the fragile feelings hiding in my soul.
Glen Lazore (Mohawk)
The quietness of the evening hour this night sits softly on my soul. The birds are settling, the sun is tiring out, and night is edging in. The sun tonight is hidden behind the clouds that have been around the whole day. It was a day of resting and getting some things done. Gave my patio furniture to a friend who has a new place. The table and chairs will look nice on her deck, and I simply asked to share a meal with her on it in return sometime later this summer. Sifting through other things and deciding what to keep and what to give up and let go of.
Letting go of things that I needed in the past, but no longer are useful and are just taking up space.
I wish it were that easy to let go of old habits and needs that are no longer useful to me. The fragile feelings that are still there yet I do not show come up in the quietness. I am listening to some quiet music right now that I needed for a long time. I am reminded that I needed it in order to quiet my mind so I could sleep. I no longer have to listen to it, yet it calls me now and then to hear the softness of the notes, and the gentleness of the piano melodies. This music was always on as my head hit the pillow and the lights were turned off. The simple track titles were devotion, reflection, sacrifice, and angels with us. It was life-saving music at the time, but now it is just peacefulness.
When I am able to let go of the past, I create room for my future. When someone deeply listens to my fragile feelings, I can then create room for healing and thus the mask can be discarded.
My masks are complicated yet I know each and every one of them. My heart knows them. God knows them, yet God continues to call me Beloved. The process of healing takes a long time. It will take until I see Jesus for complete healing from my woundedness. Yet, healing does come and sit softly by me when my soul is open and ready.
In the stillness of the quiet, if we listen, we can hear the whisper of the heart giving strength to weakness, courage to fear, hope to despair.
Howard Thurman
