Hitting the wall

I have recently been wondering if I will ever get over a wall in my spiritual life. Recent events have brought it to the forefront again. The wall seems to be crumbling in some parts, but underneath the dirt and old grass, there remains a solid foundation. When you think of walls, you think of being able to climb up and over, but this wall is too high right now. And it seems to stretch forever so I can't go around. This wall right now is an immovable object and so I sit by it wondering if it will ever come down.

Searching the scripture for walls, I know that walls can be different things in peoples lives. There is the wall of pride, and the wall of unforgiveness, and the walls that grow when people don't want to understand one another, or when people choose sides in an argument or conflict.

I think right now though this spiritual wall is a protective one. Maybe it is not supposed to come down. Just maybe it is there for a reason. I take solace in that thought in knowing that God may have helped place that wall there in my mind and in my soul to keep me safe and keep the "bad stuff" out. Our minds and our souls are very tender parts of us. What we allow through to them affects us. Just as Nehemiah built the city walls and installed the gates to protect the city and the temple, we too need gates and walls to protect us. Prayer, reading the Bible, communion, and other spiritual practices act like walls to protect our spirits and our hearts.

Lately I have been protecting my mind from all the violence on TV, and I have stopped reading certain books that are very disturbing. I sleep much better when those thoughts are not in my head. I have established some "gate keeping rules" like Nehemiah to look out for my own self interests. Some areas of my life I have "nailed shut" and other areas I have allowed in and I am looking for growth there. The past is behind me and I am looking forward. I await with patience what God is going to do and bring into my life. I continue to change which is good since that means that I continue to transform and grow. I am not stagnant like a muddy pool of water, but instead the water is clean and flowing.

So the wall remains, but I look at it in a new way. A good way.
Thanks be to God.